Anne Hathaway (with Jake Gyllenhaal in "Brokeback Mountain")"This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits. She sits down, raises her arm, and says, "Bartender, I would like a drink." There's an old drunk sitting next to her. Slurring, he says, "Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink." She accepts, drinks it, raises her arm again to get the bartender's attention, and orders another. The old man says, "Barkeep, you just keep giving the ballerina anything she wants." Finally, the bartender goes over to the drunk and says, "Sir, that's nice of you, but how do you know she's a ballerina?" The old man answers, "Son, you don't get to be my age without learning that only ballerinas can lift their legs that high."Gretchen Mol (with Matt Damon in "Rounders")"Why should you never tell a joke while ice fishing? Because the ice will crack up".Elisha Cuthbert (with Emile Hirsch in "The girl next door")"There's a bear and a rabbit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit goes, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit".Amber Heard (with Seth Rogen in "Pineapple Express")"Two drivers climb out of their cars after colliding at an intersection. One pulls a flask from his pocket and says, "Here, have a nip of whiskey to calm your nerves."
"Thanks," says the other driver, taking a swig. "Here, you have one, too." "Nah, I'd rather not — the police will be here soon."
Olivia Wilde (with Emile Hirsch in "Alpha Dog")"One night, on a camping trip, Sherlock Holmes wakes up Watson and says, "Look at the stars. What do you deduce?" Watson thinks for a minute and says, "Well, I see millions of stars, many of which resemble our sun, which most likely have their own planets, which most likely have life-forms like us, so I deduce that there is life on other planets." And Sherlock says, "No, you idiot, someone's stolen our tent."Diane Kruger (with Quentin Tarantino)"A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile on his face. The egg is frowning and looking frustrated. The egg says, "Guess we answered that question."